I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
