God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
