id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
