Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
