Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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