party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
