so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Mom said you looked used
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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