he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
