Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
