Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
