Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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