remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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