Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
