and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
