My sheets look like a crime scene.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
