everyone is single if you try hard enough
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
