I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
