If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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