I heard we made out
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
