wrigley field is MILF paradise
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
