thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
