During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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