I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We have so much sex to catch up on
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
