somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
