drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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