Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
