it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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