My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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