i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
