Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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