I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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