worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
