Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
