I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
