He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
