dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
