i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
