between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
