I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
