Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
