Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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