I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
