My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
