This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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