also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
