last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
