Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
