So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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