I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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