i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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