it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
