I am midnight drunk by noon
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
