make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
