So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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