I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
