Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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