I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
