I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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