I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
