thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
