everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You did what with his pubic hair?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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