i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
