You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she smelled like a LAN party
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
