I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
PANTIES FOUND
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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