How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Houston, we have a squirter
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think your dad took our porno
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
