someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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