oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
