so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
