I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
