just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
