oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
