so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
