Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
