at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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