whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
