I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
